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Don't worry, that good feeling won't last long. [entries|friends|calendar]
penguinchild

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[21 Apr 2015|10:33pm]
People fucking suck.
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Two thousand fifteen [14 Feb 2015|10:57pm]
[ mood | listless ]

I had a seizure
Learned I have lesions
On the white matter
What does that shit mean
Seizures are so strange

They've ordered these tests
But I don't want them
"You have two options"
Disorder or not
Regardless the tests

Life is not defined
By a doctorate
Those pills are toxic
And bills suffocate
Life is more than that

I will just sit tight
It will be alright

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Alter-ego [29 Dec 2011|10:04pm]
[ mood | high ]

"I look cute tonight
and am wearing Couture Couture
...by Juicy Couture.
I AM NOT staying in!"

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[14 Nov 2011|10:11pm]
[ mood | morose ]

"How can you not be happy?"

A Florida friend on Skype asked me this.

"Your pictures on Facebook look so amazing!"

Now, isn't that the point of Facebook; to highlight the minuscule nothingness of your day, but on a level where it makes everyone else feel just a little bit jealous of you?
If that's not the textbook definition, I'd like call upon whatever council I need to and rally for the formal recognition of this new definition.

But in all seriousness, I am unhappy.
While everything in life is relative, I have no critical reason to be unhappy. I am healthy. My family is healthy. I can support myself. I have people that care about me. I live in an amazingly beautiful place. I am one of the lucky ones.
Still, the emptiness encompasses so much of my time it's turned me numb. Numb to human interactions. Too numb to care or show compassion. Too numb to give any effort.
I push everyone away and then get angry when they seem distant. It's a constant cycle of fucking myself over and it's nothing new. I'm really good at it. These walls I've built and rebuilt and rebuilt again have become claustrophobic, but the thought of even putting a door into those walls seems overwhelming.
Thus, I am alone. I work all day alone and then I come home alone. Sometimes, I feel my loneliness is palpable to complete strangers I pass during the day.

Everything is so different now than it used to be. I've never been good with change and yet change is the only constant. You'd think I'd eventually get it down.

I just want to wake up and everything be better again. I want to wake up and not have the weight of lifting my legs and swooping them to the edge of the bed be so difficult. I want that feeling of looking forward to a new day back. A day when I turn on my music and dance around in front of my mirror and not give a flying fuck about anything but that very moment in time.

It will happen. It will get better. I has to.

1 comment ♥♥♥ Comment

Anyone relate? [25 Sep 2011|01:18am]
[ mood | apathetic ]



You say I choose sadness,
That it never once has chosen me.
Maybe you're right...

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[09 Jul 2011|01:25am]
once i wash my sheets, you might be completely gone...
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[01 Jul 2011|12:12am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

this sour puss mood needs to change asap
i'm constantly annoyed
everything has changed

i fucking love tahoe, but i miss my people in florida like crazy. i want to just teleport back every few days to shoot the shit, ya know? it's really hard. like, i thought it'd be hardest at first - getting used to living somewhere else and all that, but it's actually more difficult once you're settled in.
i'm comfortable, yet uncomfortable.

days seem to awkwardly pass now.
it's a really weird feeling...

everything will get awesome again, though - as it always does.
i just gotta shake myself outta this major funk i'm in.

maybe i won't wait 3 months between entries next time.

until then, enjoy the enjoyable moments :)

1 comment ♥♥♥ Comment

1st grow [08 Apr 2011|08:56pm]
[ mood | stoked ]

9 1/2 WEEKS :) Collapse )

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[27 Mar 2011|02:13pm]
[ mood | excited ]

welp, after living in california for 8 months, i finally have my very own plants!
they're only about 2 feet right now, but looking dayum good! hoping to keep it an indoor, all-organic, soil grow. right now, the nodes appear to be forming trifoliates. i'm not sure if it's just the strain or some type of mutation. reviews of trifoliates are mixed online, but most people say they've experienced a larger yield because of it, so imma think positive :)
it's really more of an experiment than anything else. who knows how it'll turn out. i have no plans on profiting off my yield right now, but if this one turns out alright, i may just have to hook up with a co-op and make some moolah!
i'll post pictures when i can...

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[25 Mar 2011|09:30pm]
[ mood | calm ]

i literally just typed "i wanna trip" into google.

it's far overdue.

goal for the week has been set!

2 comments ♥♥♥ Comment

NEW [14 Mar 2011|03:02pm]
[ mood | excited ]

.~*SUNKEN TREASURE*~.Collapse )

1 comment ♥♥♥ Comment

[26 Feb 2011|07:03pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

i want to paint something
splatter style
release all of this
i am sans paint and currency
and so life continues onward
as it should

2 comments ♥♥♥ Comment

[05 Feb 2011|11:40pm]
[ mood | high ]

just dancin in front of the mirror. what else is new?Collapse )

4 comments ♥♥♥ Comment

[03 Feb 2011|04:03pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I am honestly afraid to tell people how fucking happy I am due to their jealousy and resentment. I'm also afraid that it wont last long enough, but until then, I will continue to smiiiile! (:

2 comments ♥♥♥ Comment

[20 Jan 2011|02:57pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

turns out i'm sick...again. fuuuuuck, man!
and right before i leave for my vegas/tampa/palm springs get away.


figures.

1 comment ♥♥♥ Comment

[15 Jan 2011|11:53pm]
[ mood | chill ]

Has anyone seen Portlandia yet? I just watched it whilst incredibly baked off the Volcano.

I would recommend it for mayjah LoLz.

P.S. - Did that Washed Out intro song make anyone else smile just a little bit?

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[08 Jan 2011|11:34am]
[ mood | bored ]

1 comment ♥♥♥ Comment

[05 Jan 2011|07:31pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

i was legit going to post something really ridiculous about my feelings because i am 100% drunk.
decided that my sober self would not approve; therefore, there will be no ridiculous post.
just wanted to share that with all you lovely beings <3
have a fantabulous evening!

3 comments ♥♥♥ Comment

[01 Jan 2011|09:56pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Not a bad way to start the new year :) Collapse )

2 comments ♥♥♥ Comment

TMI TMI TMI [30 Dec 2010|10:22pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Soooooo, I REALLY need to get laid. When did I become so bad at this? My fun times of jilling off may be getting out of hand. Not ok. Not at all, y'all.

RAWR.

2 comments ♥♥♥ Comment

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